


Dog Whisperer in Givenchy

by Deenerann



Series: Schitt's Creek- Meet Cutes Gone Slightly Wrong [8]
Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Demon dog, Large Dry Cleaning Bill, M/M, Meet-Cute, Unacceptable humping, meet ugly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-20
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:42:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27120602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deenerann/pseuds/Deenerann
Summary: Patrick takes Roland's dog for a stroll.Chaos ensues.
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Series: Schitt's Creek- Meet Cutes Gone Slightly Wrong [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1764997
Comments: 18
Kudos: 160





	Dog Whisperer in Givenchy

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, hey! 
> 
> I'm back at the series. Had to take a quick break to finish up a manuscript, but it's done and I'm free to write fic again.
> 
> Here's a quick one-shot idea that came to me this morning. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

“You’re new in town. This is fine. Great way to meet people and make money. This is _fine_.”

As Patrick walked, he kept repeating it over and over until it almost became like a mantra. He probably looked like a crazy person, muttering to himself while walking the world’s worst dog through the park, skirting clear of people and yelling apologies before he started muttering again.

He should have known better. Roland Schitt was the strangest, most inappropriate man Patrick had ever met. Everything about him was wrong, yet somehow he still got people to agree with whatever harebrained idea he came up with. Between him and Ray, Patrick never stood a chance.

So, here he was, dealing with what he was fairly certain was actually a demonic possession in a dog suit… all while trying to keep the potential for dog bite complaints at a minimum. He was doing this to _make_ money, not shell it out on lawyer fees.

The first clue this would go sideways should have been when Roland handed him a roll of doggy waste bags and said, “Here. You look like Cesar Millan. I think this will work out great.”

Patrick stared down at his pasty white skin, tinged slightly pink from being in the sun for less than ten minutes, and only managed to let out a bewildered, “Huh?” before Roland shoved a leash in his hand and shut the front door in his face.

“Just don’t let him get too close to people!” Roland yelled through the door. “Jocelyn and I didn’t know he was in the bedroom the other night, and well… he may have seen too much. He’s been a little… friendly… since then.”

Patrick sucked in a horrified breath and took a large step back, staring down at the dog in front of him.

It smiled up at him, its tongue hanging out of the side of its mouth. It was actually kind-of cute, in an unrecognizable breed sort of way.

“Well, hello, little guy. Roland says your name is Gemini. We should get along fine, then. I’m one, too.” He leaned down to stroke the dog’s head and the goofy smile was immediately gone, replaced by a low growl. Patrick snatched his hand back. “No petting. Noted.” He tugged on the leash. “Come on. Let’s go for a walk. How bad can this be?”

It was pretty bad.

Gemini definitely lived up to his name—friendly one minute, snarling and snapping at the air the next. Patrick’s arm started to hurt from holding the leash so hard, just trying to keep the demon from attacking whatever or whoever passed by them.

Gemini _really_ didn’t like other dogs, and just his luck, there appeared to be a god-damned d _og parade_ going on at Schitt’s Creek Provincial Park that morning.

“Good lord, Gemini, would you _please_ stop trying to kill everyone you see?” Patrick snapped, his patience barely hanging on by a thread.

The dog must have finally decided to listen to something Patrick said because it stopped barking, turned its head, and yanked hard against the leash, trying to run toward a man sitting on a bench a little ways ahead of them on the path.

Patrick was so surprised at the sudden movement that he accidentally let go and Gemini was off in a flash, barreling toward the man.

“Oh no,” Patrick wheezed. “Gemini, no!” he yelled, taking off in a run after him.

He was too late.

Gemini had already reached his target and happily attached himself to the man’s leg, humping with gleeful abandon, making noises Patrick would later want to bleach from his brain.

Gemini _really_ liked this guy.

A lot.

He clapped his hands to his mouth and tried not to laugh. He really _did_ try. But, when he looked up at the stranger’s horrified expression, he lost the battle.

The laugh that burst out of him was a mixture of embarrassment, glee, frustration, and complete, utter, jangly nerves. Of all the legs to hump in this park, why did Gemini decide to choose one attached to the most beautiful man Patrick had ever seen?

“Are you _laughing_ about this?!” the man gasped, his voice high-pitched and insulted. “Don’t just stand there laughing! Do something! Your dog is ruining my Givenchy’s!”

“Sorry, sorry.” Patrick reached down and grabbed the leash, yanking Gemini off the man’s leg.

The dog let out a whine that made Patrick almost feel sorry for him. He hazarded a glance back up at the man and understood where Gemini was coming from.

Seriously. The most gorgeous person he’d ever seen in his life.

“Not my dog,” was all he managed to say.

The man’s face rearranged from irritated horror into something that looked like dubious disbelief. He squinted and looked Patrick up and down, his lips curling to one side. “I’ve been watching you walk that beast through the park for about ten minutes, and now you’re going to try to tell me it’s not yours? I mean, I guess I should be glad it didn’t bite me, but I’m definitely sending you the dry cleaning bill for my pants.”

“Send it to Roland Schitt.”

“Roland?! Why would I want to do that?”

“Because, this is his dog. I got conned into walking it today. I had no idea it was a mini Beelzebub until the leash was in my hand and Roland’s door was shut.”

The man’s sneer slowly morphed into a more hesitant smile. “Ohhh… well, that explains a lot.” He stared down at his pants and the smile was replaced with a disgusted grimace. “Roland’s dog tried to have sex with me?”

“Oh, I think _try_ left the equation about a minute into… all that.” He waved his hand in the general direction of the man’s leg.

The man’s head snapped up and he glared at Patrick. “You can wipe that grin off your face. It’s not that funny.”

The glare wasn’t that effective when Patrick could see the smile the man was trying to bite back.

God, he had nice dimples.

“It’s even more funny when you factor in what Roland said to me right before he sent me on my way. It all makes sense now.”

The man recoiled and had the good sense to look both intrigued yet horrified. “What did he say?”

“Something along the lines of… _Just don’t let him get too close to people because Jocelyn and I didn’t know he was in the bedroom the other night, and he may have seen too much_.”

The man leapt off the bench and wiped at his pants. “Eww!” Then he held out his hands in front of his body and stared at them. “EWW! Oh god. What am I gonna do now?”

“Here, don’t move.” Patrick fished around in his jacket and found a travel pack of wet wipes, handing them over. “You need these more than me.”

The man grabbed them and hastily wiped down his hands, staring at his pants longingly before tossing the wipe in a nearby trashcan. “Roland is getting SUCH a dry cleaning bill, he has no idea.”

“I support whatever decision you make.”

The man smiled slightly at him, looking Patrick up and down. “I haven’t seen you around town before.”

Patrick shook his head. “I just moved here last week. I’m renting a room from Ray.” He held out his hand. “I’m Patrick.”

The man grimaced and stared at his hand. “Ray? Roland? Jocelyn? You’ve hit the Schitt’s Creek trifecta of awful your first week here. Poor you.”

“Poor me,” Patrick agreed, still holding out his hand. “They’re not so bad, I guess. Well, maybe Roland is, I’m undecided.”

“Oh, he absolutely is,” the man said, sighing, but then he finally gripped Patrick’s hand, shaking it. “I’m David.”

Patrick sucked in a quick breath at the sudden zing that shot through his body at the feel of David’s soft skin.

“Hi, David,” he breathed, unable to keep the note of wonder out of his voice.

David smiled that crooked smile again, dimples appearing briefly before disappearing. “Hi, Patrick. Want to tell me how you got roped into walking that beast?”

Patrick stared down at Gemini and bit his lip. “How about we return this monster to his owner, let him know about the damage he’ll be paying for, and then I’ll take you out to lunch and tell you all about it?”

David’s eyes widened and he looked Patrick up and down before finally nodding. “That sounds like an acceptable plan. But, only if the offer includes dessert.”

“David, after all that, you deserve whatever the hell you want.”

David’s lips turned up into a quick, fleeting smirk. “That’s true. I was just assaulted by Roland’s dog. That deserves a couple pieces of pie, at the very least.”

“Noted.” Patrick paused and studied the man standing in front of him, all lanky grace and dark beauty, and decided to throw caution to the wind. Hell, he’d run away from his life for opportunities like this, so he may as well be brave when one so… unexpectedly… arose. “Can’t say I really blame him, though.”

David’s eyebrow quirked up. “Excuse me?”

“Gemini,” he said, gesturing to the dog. “I can’t say that I blame him. Of all the legs in this park, he chose to defile one attached to the hottest man I’ve ever seen.”

David’s eyes widened and his mouth dropped open. “Oh!”

Patrick nodded. “Mmmhmm… so… yeah. I understand where he’s coming from, that’s all. I’m a little jealous he got to second base, to be honest.”

David’s eyes flashed and he shot Patrick a dark grin that made his knees go weak.

“I don’t really do sports, but I know that expression. If _that_ was second base, what would you consider third?”

Patrick’s body went hot. “Um… maybe the Givenchy’s would come off.”

David nodded. “I see, I see. Well, how about you buy me that pie and I’ll take that into consideration?”

Patrick sucked in a breath and stared down at Gemini. “You’re an absolute monster, but you’re also the best dog to ever exist.”

David laughed and bumped his shoulder against Patrick’s. “Come on. Let’s go deal with Roland and then go to the café. I’m hungry.”

“But, your pants, David.”

“Mmm… pie first, pants later. Patience, Patrick.”

“Sexiest alliteration I’ve ever heard.”

David snorted and bumped Patrick’s shoulder again. “Come on. Let’s work on making your second week in town much better than the first.”

Patrick wasn’t about to argue.

Instead, he let Gemini lead them all the way back to Roland’s.

Best. Day. Ever.


End file.
